How to Plan a Holiday

My last week got overrun by more vacation planning and I didn’t really have time to do much writing. However, since I’ve turned my gaze once more to the fun fun prospect of organizing my next international adventure, it seemed like a great time to share my process with you.


Related imagePlan? That sounds like WORK! Isn’t a holiday supposed to be FUN? Yes, but if you want to maximize your vacation time and money, taking the time and effort to plan ahead makes a world of difference. Unless you’re rich enough to just hire someone to plan the trip for you (and even then, finding the right tour company is important too!) you need to commit to planning. The time-money-quality triangle applies to everything, even holidays. The more time you put into the plan, the less money you need for high quality results. 

Step 1: Find Your Holiday Mission Statement

Planning a trip doesn’t start with booking a hotel and flight. There are some pre-trip questions you should really think about before any web searches or bookings take place.

How do you want to feel?

One of my friends loves laying on the beach with a book for days on end, but that sounds boring as heck to me after about 3 hours. Neither of us is right or wrong, but we want different things from our holiday. It’s important to know what your goals are, it’s kind of your vacation mission statement. From then on, any time you’re faced with an option or choice you can check to see if it matches your mission statement. Much like for a business, a vacation mission statement works best when it’s as specific as possible, while still being brief.

What you want from your holiday? Leisure? Adventure? Food? Shopping? Change of scenery? Nightlife? Art? History? Be pampered? Get dirty? 

What do you want to see?

Decide if you’re having a destination holiday or an experience holiday.

Destination holidays are those where you want to see a specific place like Rome or the Pyramids. There are awesome things everywhere in the world, but there’s only one Rome. Destination driven holidays should be more focused on off-season travel to maximize savings and also to avoid the high-season crowds. 

Destination driven holidays also need to think about weather as well as expenses. My favorite Thai island is closed 6 months of the year. Last fall, I had to find a different magical island getaway. My friend wants to go to Egypt and for a minute she thought she’d go in the summer break until I showed her the weather reports that include regular temps in the 40s (C). Now we’re going in February.

Experience holidays are ones in which you first consider your time off, and then see what’s having an off season sale that you might be interested in at that time. Sometimes, you can’t help but go to the popular place at the popular time. Work and school schedules are not always cooperative, but it is worth considering what else is available.

How long do you want to go?

Long weekend? 10 days? A month? There are vacations for nearly every length of time. Bear in mind shorter times should focus on one or two main activities in a single place with minimal travel. 

The less time you have in one place, the more detailed the planning needs to be. You might be fine spending an afternoon getting lost in town or just sitting at a cafe people watching if you have several days to spare, but if you get lost on your only day to do/see THE THING you’ll be really sad.

How much do you want to spend?

Related image

There are places in the developing world where you can book a luxury resort for 300$ a week (I did that in Egypt), places where you can eat amazing gourmet food for 25$ a meal or less (China and the Philippines for sure), there are places where a beer is 0.50 cents (Prague!) and places where a beer is 8-12$, places you can get a private room for 5$ a night with breakfast included, and others where a room in a dorm (sheets not included) costs 40$.

Don’t worry about the cost of individual things at this point, just think about how much you are willing to spend per day on average (take your total trip budget, subtract airfare, divide by the number of days you want to travel)Once you know your budget, you can check it against other travelers’ experiences to see if it’s enough for the place you’re dreaming of. I find that a lot of the blogs for backpackers are decently accurate for minimal daily expenses, and that the cost of living websites are more accurate for “family vacation” style spending. Most of SE Asia is 30-40$ a day for good times and EU is 80-100$ a day if you’re frugal.

Who are you going with?

Discuss the practical things – I almost forgot this one because I’m so used to travelling alone, but it is important. Not only do you have to ask all the previous questions of your travel buddies, you also have to think about room sharing (my mother snores so loud I’m not sure how that’s going to work when we travel together), as well as age or ability limitations (meeting my friend with a 3 yr old last summer, I had to think about 3yr old human needs). Travel buddies can be great company and help save money on things like renting a car or a room when you can share, but it’s a compromise on location and activities.

Be upfront about your goals and expectations – If possible, try to pick travel buddies who share your travel goals and habits. If you can’t do that, discuss them in advance so you have a way to handle when you want different things. It is so easy for a holiday to turn into resentment when people are tired, sunburnt, hungry and didn’t get to see/do the thing they wanted. If you are travelling with people who don’t share your goals, make sure you’re both ok splitting up sometimes so that no one’s feelings are hurt when you want to do something different.

Make time for each other – I don’t just mean plan with them, I mean that they need to have a place on your itinerary. What will you share together other than the hotel room? It’s almost impossible to make another person your top priority when you’re going on a (probably expensive and unique) travel experience, but it will help if part of every day is focused on each other more than the sites, even if it’s just one of your meals or a drink before bed. This applies to anyone, not just a romantic interest or spouse, but family, friends, and acquaintances. 

Step 2: Accommodation and Transit

Wait! All that was Step 1??? Yes, but it’s not as bad as it sounds. Step one is mostly thinking, and a little bit of research to help you get the answers to those questions. Don’t skip it, though, because you’ll use those answers to shape everything that comes next.

The Flight

The flight is the biggest purchase you’re going to make and it defines the rest of your holiday. I think of it as the spine of the vacation.

For a destination trip (or once you’ve decided your experience locations):
The flight search matrix used by Google is a great way to be able to see all available flights between to airports. Websites like Travelocity, Priceline, Expedia, and Kayak ALL use the matrix to search. It’s faster to go directly to the matrix instead of comparing 20 websites.

For experience vacations (or to narrow a list of potentials in a specific area):
You can look at a website like Kiwi.com to search “Anywhere” and see the cheapest flights during your holiday time, or you can search by country, or you can use the map function to just scroll around the globe and see where cheap prices are. I love this for wanderlusties who find themselves with time and money restraints because there’s always something awesome at the other end and discovering can be fun.

My trip to the EU was I’d say 40% destination 60% experience. I wanted to go to north Europe, I was less picky about the specifics.  I looked around at prices and noticed that CDG is cheap and convenient to fly into. I could have opted for round trip, but it would have meant making my route a circle or doing a long backtrack and I wanted to get at least one Nordic country in on this trip. I did a quick check on some sample bus prices (like Paris to Amsterdam, Amsterdam to Oslo) and decided I could do it. Thus my return flight airport was decided, and I went over to the Matrix to find the cheapest flight. I got a ticket with Russian airline Aeroflot through Moscow for under 1000$. The cheapest options on flight booking websites were 500-700 more.

Conversely, my winter holiday is far more destination driven. It’s going to be much harder to find such a great deal. I originally wanted to do Morocco, Israel, Jordan and Egypt (my friend is joining me for Jordan and Egypt). I haven’t found the perfect ticket yet. Kiwi thinks it will be around $2000 to fly Korea to Morocco to Jordan to Egypt and back to Korea. It IS a lot of flights, but I hold out hope that several hours of testing options on the flight matrix will save me a few hundred dollars.

Search nearby airports – Flying one airport and then taking a bus or train out to a cheaper destination could save you hundreds of dollars. It’s worth comparing airports, and checking the price and timing of the ground transit before you buy, just to be sure. I don’t recommend this for short holidays (less than 3 days), but the longer your holiday is, the more worthwhile this becomes. In New Zealand, I flew in and out of Auckland even though I didn’t want to do anything in that city. In the Philippines, I had to fly into Manila, sleep in a little airport hostel, then fly to Bohol the next morning.

Choosing Your City/Cities

Best-Places-To-Travel-2016

Destination vacation people will have done this step before buying plane tickets.

Experience vacation –  “I’ll just see what’s there when I land” is not a reliable recipe for a great holiday. It’s a little like the lottery. Stack the odds in your favor and read up. Even if you think you know where you’re going, it doesn’t hurt to read about your destination on something other than Trip Advisor and Lonely Planet.

In the winter of 2016/17 my destination was “the Malay peninsula”. It looks small on a map, but it is big on the ground. I almost ended up missing out on Koh Lipe because Langkawi has been famous longer. Reading more sources gave me more options, and better information to make my decision with.

Read the blogs – Find some bloggers who share your holiday mission statement. It doesn’t do me any good to read bloggers who love to bike across Europe because I will not be doing that. Ever. I found a blog that talked about running tours of cities and nearly fainted from thinking about it.  Find unique bloggers who share real details. Mainstream bloggers like Nomadic Matt are fine for finding out the basic details and some run off the mill travelling advice, but for my taste, when I’m trying to decide where to go, I need the atmosphere, the mood, and the experiences of someone like me.

Check the local transport options – In addition to attractions, hotels and ground transit can shape your city choices. If you’re going to places with good public transit, it’s easy to land in one place for a bit and then move to another hub. If rental cars are cheap, you might consider driving around some of the rural parts of your chosen holiday spot. 

Move at least once a week – Happiness experts say that the shiny new vacation smell wears off after about 7 days in the same place. I like to change cities at least once a week, but if you want to spend your whole summer in the Maldives laying on the beach, it’s still a good idea to break it up by moving to a hotel on the other side of the island or taking a weekend to explore the mainland. After 7 days, things become a “routine” and the mental mood boosting benefits of vacationing begin to taper off sharply. Relaxing holidays will tend to move less, while exploring holidays will need to move more. How much more often than every 7-8 days you move will depend on your goal.

Finding Accomodation

Don’t stay anywhere you don’t feel safe or can’t get good sleep. It’s not worth saving money if you’re stressed or too tired to enjoy the next day’s activities.

Do try to minimize your accommodation costs unless the resort itself is the center of your holiday (which is fine, private beaches are dreamy).

Shop around – It’s good to have a range of search options to keep your prices down. I like Airbnb and Booking.com the best, but I’ve been known to poke around Hostelworld. Sometimes I’ve just made email arrangements because I’m traveling to the back end of nowhere. Most of these places give discounts to non-cancellable reservations, but if you want to maintain flexibility, its a good idea to book places you can change later in case you find something better or change your plan altogether.

Beware hidden costs – Things to think about besides the room price: are any meals included? Do you need parking? Do you need a shuttle service? Will you need laundry service? Is it close to public transit? A great room price can be ruined if you have to pay 20$ a night for parking, if you have to walk a mile to the bus stop, or if there’s no place to eat nearby (this happened to me once in Korea and my hostess, bless her heart, fed us, but it was embarrassing!)

Location, location, location – When booking my rooms, I’m typically going back and forth between the booking site, a map of the region, and some travel blogs. Sometimes the map will show me something interesting because Google does that now. Sometimes the hotel will mention famous nearby sights to check out, and always travel bloggers will tell you about their own experiences there.  I spend ages staring at maps, reading blogs, and looking at the map function of Airbnb. It can show you the prices of a large geographical region. Sometimes I find great prices and realize I don’t really want to GO to that place so it’s useless.

Quality is subjective – Reading reviews of accommodation is tricky. If the person leaving the review has a different set of values and expectations than you, their review may not be helpful. Don’t just look at stars. Look at how many people reviewed something. A 4 star rating from 200 reviews is better than a 5 star rating from only 10 reviews. Read the things people liked, but also read what they didn’t like. Are those things important to you? Can you sleep in a room where you might see a rat to save $$? Do you HAVE to have A/C? Do you want to meet other guests or have more privacy? What is the standard in that country? I found that a 2-3 star (of 5) rating in developed countries is equivalent to a 4 or 5 star place in developing nations.

Prioritize – For me, feeling safe is #1. I don’t like to stay in co-ed dorms if I can avoid it but female only dorms are often more expensive. I also won’t stay in an Airbnb with all men (one or many, I don’t do it unless there’s a female in the house).  I’ve learned I can sleep just about anywhere for one night, but I prefer a single room, or a women only dorm in a clean place in a non-party part of town (I do not like hearing people throwing up from being drunk while I’m trying to sleep). I also look for transportation options (parking if I have a car, bus stop if I don’t).

Things like lux decorations, pools, spas, and services are less important to me, but you need to know your own priorities. If you want to party all night, stay in the party zone. If you can’t enjoy yourself unless you’re staying in the Marriott, then increase your budget or pick cheaper parts of the world where those resorts are affordable. Sharm el-Sheik in Egypt is great for that. You can stay in fancy beach resorts for a fraction of the cost of other countries.

Local Transportation

Minimize travel time – I’ve seen tourists travel for hours to reach someplace and look for 15 minutes, take a few pics, and then get back on the bus. I don’t understand this method of travel. I think transit should be minimized. I don’t like to spend more than 4 hours a day in transit (except the flights in and out). It’s not always possible, but it is important. The comfort level of your transit is also important, as I learned in Thailand. A 3 hr bus ride in a plush comfy air conditioned seat is much more tolerable than a 3 hr ride in a cramped, hot, minivan.

Travel in your down time – In EU this summer, I traveled on Saturday so I wouldn’t have to fight weekend crowds at popular venues, and I used them as rest days where I could just relax and travel from one place to another. On shorter trips, I like to do intercity transit early in the morning or last thing at night. If you have to go a long way, it might be worth looking into sleeper cars. When we were in China (a huge landscape) we did that a couple times and skipped out on hotels for the 8-10 hour train rides overnight.

Research the details – If you’re going in the off season, you can probably buy tickets the day of your travel, but in the high season it’s best to make reservations. Look at the time tables and make sure you can get to the bus/train station on time. Compare the bus and train costs. I found that taking the bus around France and Holland was great, but that in Germany the train was cheaper.  I took a bus from Singapore to KL, but a train from KL to Ipoh.

Look at alternative travel options – Sometimes local flights can be more efficient and cheaper than bus or train. Sometimes there are even boats. Which I love. I took a ferry from Jordan to Egypt last time I was there. It was not any cheaper than flying, but it was a much cooler experience. I also had to take a boat to get to Koh Lipe and back since there are no airports on the tiny little island. Now that I’ve been, I know I probably could have bought my ticket when I got to the port, but at the time I had no idea how full it would be so I made sure to book online.

Check the reviews – In some cases you won’t have choices, but when you do it’s best to check and see if you can find a picture of the fleet that is NOT on the company website. I thought the boat to Koh Lipe would be like the ferries I’m used to where we could go up on deck and with that in mind, I was looking into a 3 hr boat ride. When I read more and realized that the Thai ferries in the region are all very restrictive and make passengers stay seated below decks, I opted for the shortest possible ride instead.

When in Rome – Not literally, but when it comes to getting around, it’s a good idea to see what locals do. I did so much research on inter-city transit to get from one place to another, I neglected to pre-research city buses to learn how to get around once I was there! It turns out, every one is different and it was a huge source of stress for me last summer.  How do you use the bus/tram/metro system? Do you need a bus pass? Where do you buy tickets? Does it cost more to buy one at a time or get a pass? Is the tourist pass worth it? Don’t assume it will be easy to figure out when you get there… it won’t be.

Step 3: The Details

Now you have your cities chosen, your hotels booked, and a solid idea of how you’ll get around. Time to narrow your focus and figure out what you’ll do in each location. Show up and see what happens is not a strategy that works for most people. It seems very romantic, but most people find they end up sitting around on Google trying to do the research they should have done before they arrived.

Brainstorm

Brainstorm by DBed

Write a list – Just make a list of names of all the places you can find where you’re going. Websites like Trip Advisor and Lonely Planet come in handy at this stage. They are great resources for building a basic list of things to see. They are a bit limited to the most popular tourist attractions, however, so try adding something like Atlas Obscura to your search.

Dig deeper For more unique travel opportunities, check travel blogs and Facebook pages and other types of social media from smaller voices to see what isn’t being seen by the big famous travel sites. I found a magical heated waterfall in NZ this way. I’ve learned about unique food in tiny restaurants, and the less famous but just as beautiful temple or church next to the one full of tourists. You get beautiful memories and you often get the place mostly or even all the way to yourself. I can’t provide links because each blogger focuses on different places and experiences, but if you type the name of the place + “blog” or “travel blog” you should get some decent results.

Check the map– Once you get a list written down, you can start searching for what’s near them geographically. Pull up the Google Map and see what pops up next to your famous site or on the route from your hotel to that site. Read more blogs about people who went to a famous site and see if they did any side trips. I had a side trip for buffalo ice cream on my way back from a famous site in Bohol. Local water-buffalo being milked for ice cream… that’s a unique holiday experience.

Expand your search – If your’e staying in one hotel more than 3 days (it hardly ever takes longer to see the highlights of one city, although of course you could explore a single city for years and not see everything, many people on holiday like to maximize experiences), you can look at day trips from the city you’re in. Can you do a tour to a nearby natural reserve for hiking, kayaking, fishing, etc? Can you get a bus to a neighboring city and see their sights? I found an amazing spa in Aachen Germany about 2 hours away from my hotel in Lanaken Belgium.

Read until your eyes blur – Keep adding things to your list.  Make your list as long as you like, don’t worry about all the details of each place yet, this is the brainstorm phase. Anything that sounds interesting, put it on the list.

Edit the List

Related image

Location, Location, Location – things that are close together can be done on the same day, while things that are far away, not on the public transit line, or not near anything else cool might be cut from the list. I had the Tower of Eben-Ezer on my list, but when I realized how far out it was and that it would take me hours each way without a car, I reluctantly took it off the list. Other times I’ve gone to a place I was only semi-interested in because it was 5 minutes walk from my primary stop and had a great experience.

Timing is everything –  Check the days and hours of operation, and the price. If it’s not open when you’re there, if it conflicts with something you want more, if it costs too much, cross it off the list. Do you need to book in advance or can you buy tickets at the door? How long is the line? Many attractions have “skip the line” tickets that let you save time. When we went to the Catecombs in Paris, the line was 3 hours long. We had skip the line tickets and got in with only about 5 minutes wait. I completely failed to buy my Kremlin tickets ahead of time, and had to choose between standing in line and seeing the Kremlin or doing literally anything else in Moscow that day.

Read the reviews – Read reviews, look at pictures, visit the website. Look beyond rating and see what people are saying. Are the things they talk about important to you? Does this seem like something you’ll like? More than once I’ve declined to visit a city’s most popular tourist destination because it just didn’t seem that interesting to me.

PrioritizeYour list should be divided into “must see” and “see if there’s time”, with a side of “bad weather options”. Make sure you have no more than 50% of your list as “must see”. Even after editing out all the places you can’t get to, can’t afford, aren’t open, or aren’t interesting, the list should still be huge, and contain more things that you can actually do in the time you have because you might need to change something based on weather, unexpected closures, illness, or random acts of gods.

Step 4: The Schedule

It’s a good idea to have a schedule, as long as you know that it will change. I don’t want to spend my precious vacation time thinking about what to do each day. Sometimes I write detailed schedules down to the half hour, other times I make “day itineraries” grouping nearby activities together so I can wake up and say, ok today I’ll do itinerary 3.

Booking in Advance

Use your priority list and start with things on your “must see” list that require (or strongly suggest) advance reservations. Once those are filled in, you can start adding things that have variable times and things from your “see if there’s time” list.

Visit the website – Almost all of them have an English page and will tell you how important it is to buy tickets in advance. Some places don’t even sell tickets at the door. 

Don’t Over-schedule

The temptation to squeeze sightseeing into every moment of the day is strong. Avoid it. A single event or a bike/walking tour that lasts 2-3 hours is a “half day” event (2 per day). Anything more than 5 hours is an “all day” event (1 per day). I can’t make you slow down, but thousands of travelers over several decades agree that seeing fewer things, but experiencing them more fully is a more satisfying experience.

Make time for meals! Oh man, the number of times I’ve ended up not getting food because I’ve been so busy looking around. It’s a tragedy especially if you’re travelling anywhere with good food… soooo basically everywhere. Street food is awesome and should be tried, but you need to sit down and rest too.

Organize by geography – When I was in the Philippines, I had itineraries that could be done on any day, as long as the items were done as a group because they were all close together. You can sneak tiny things into a day this way. If there’s something that will take less than an hour quite close to one of your half or all-day events you can work that in without killing yourself.

Time is a Gift – You look at an itinerary like this and you think, OH we’re wasting so much time, but you are not. You are giving yourself a precious gift. Now you have time to get lost, to explore, to check out that cool thing on the way you didn’t know about, to stop for an ice cream or coffee, to meet people along the way.

Be Prepared to chuck the plan – If you travel with an open eye and open mind, you’ll also find new and interesting things along the way. Sometimes it’s meeting people who invite you along, sometimes the concierge or Airbnb host tells you about a local secret, sometimes you just walk into a wine festival in the park (true story, happened to me in Prague). You want to be able to make time for these things, and in order to do that you need things you can move around in your itinerary.

Step 5: Organize Your Documents

Related image

Gone are the days of having to print our whole holiday itinerary and carry them around in waterproof document cases! Yes, people did that. Sometimes I still see older couples doing it. I’m not saying it’s a bad idea, and if you’re not going to be around computers or the internet, it’s VITAL, but now that we can store everything in the cloud, we can access schedules, booking details, and vouchers with our phones!

At a Glance – There are countless apps you can use to organize your itinerary, but be sure you get one that is easy to read at a glance. You’ve seen my color coded spreadsheet that shows a calendar where I put the things I’ve scheduled and bought tickets for, but I also use something like a Word.doc for the list of things I can do more or less whenever that includes addresses, websites and phone numbers I may need, and any itinerary groupings.

On the Cloud – I make a dedicated folder in my cloud storage for all vouchers and receipts for everything I bought online from hotel reservations to museum tickets for each trip. I filter all my emails related to the holiday into a dedicated email folder for easy reference. I also keep photos of my critical documents. I know not everyone is comfortable with this, but if you lose your passport or ID, it will be easier to show your Embassy a picture of your missing credentials so they can help you faster.

Offline – If you won’t have data or internet when you arrive you can also download the documents you need to the phone’s storage. Some strange places in the world are still requiring printed vouchers/ tickets, so double check when you make reservations if you can use the pdf or email as proof or not.


What is all this for?

Image result for but why meme

Planning a holiday can certainly be fun and help you build anticipation for your upcoming adventure. However, it can also be a lot of work and there are days when you’ll want to throw the towel in and just wing it when you get there. Trust me. Don’t. 

All of this painstaking work helps make sure you get to see the best your holiday destination has to offer you.

  • make sure you don’t show up to a venue that is closed or sold out.
  • minimize transit time by grouping your events together.
  • maximize your bucket list by prioritizing only one or two things a day. 
  • have enough time to do everything and a way to stop and rest as needed. 
  • alleviate the stress of where to go and how to get there while you’re jet-lagged and culture-shocked.
  • explore organically by leaving a little extra time every day that could be filled or changed as needed.

I hope your next adventure is everything you dream.

Happy Travels!

Advertisements

The Tooth Saga: Cavities, Root Canals & Crowns, oh my!

Sometime in January 2017, while crunching some very hard candy, I noticed that there was a slight twinge in my left, rear, bottom molar. I made my first dentist appointment for a day in February when the students were not in class. It has taken 15 months to finish the work. Inspired by the “letters home” from early explorers on long and challenging treks into the unknown, or log books from ship’s captains lost at sea, I have assembled this saga as a series of Facebook posts, unearthed by future historian me.

Dentistry is not exciting, but this experience has shown me the solid consequence of the American health system that kept me financially barred from adequate dental care after I became an adult. I’m sure I could have found a dentist in the US who could have dealt with my issue more quickly and less painfully, but I would never have been able to afford it. However much of a struggle this was, I didn’t loose any teeth because I couldn’t afford to go, nor did I end up financially ruined because of a painful emergency. And if you don’t believe Americans go bankrupt from dental care, just ask Google.


20 February 2017
Dentist. ugh.
X-rays, told I need a root canal in one tooth and an inlay in another. Told the root canal will take 3-4 visits (not counting this one) and while it will be mostly covered by insurance, the crown will not be.

22 February
First root canal session.

28 February 2017
Root canal session 2: dentist agreed that I shouldn’t have felt pain the whole time since last appointment. Not sure what the problem was, but hopefully it it’s addressed. Only 2-3 more of these to go.

28 February 2017
I spent the week between in horrible terrible pain and when I got to the dentist to explain this, they went back in and found a second “root” of nerves that needed to be cleared out. They assured me it would be better after this, but that this would add some time to the process.

2 March 2017
I can’t find a record of the my thoughts from this visit. Perhaps it was unremarkable? All I have found is the text from the hospital confirming the appointment.

7 March 2017
Root canal session 4: actually the 5th visit to the dentist because the first was consult. We’re finally finished with the “root canal” portion of the procedure and although it hurt mucho ouchies, I was assured this is normal. I’m getting pretty fed up with this pain. Next week, we will start the crown procedure, minimum three visits, first visit extra long, show up an hour earlier.
14 March 2017
Dentist visit 4,378… I don’t know, I’ve lost count. Root canal is done but due to persistent pain, they did not start the crown process today. They put a temp back on and want me to wait two more weeks while I take some antibiotics. Yay.
29 March 2017
The root canal that would not end. They don’t want to do the crown until the pain stops, which is reasonable in case there is a real problem and they need to go back in. So after waiting for the last 2 weeks and having a decrease but not a cessation of pain, they topped up the temp crown and said to wait 3 more weeks. It’s a new form of hell.
19 April 2017
Remember that root canal I’ve been getting since February? Well, the pain in the tooth finally stopped and today we began the process toward a crown. This involved the dentist filing the tooth to a tiny square, then the dental tech making a temp crown of acrylic by hand. My gums are sore, but I’m happy to be making progress again. However due to the upcoming holiday, I have to wait about 2 more weeks to get the final crown installed. #longestrootcanalever
*From February 22 until April 19, I was in daily pain.
8 May 2017
This dentist… Same procedure from February… Turns out they weren’t making my crown at all, but just stuck a temp in there too kill time or something. So instead of getting my crown and being done with this ordeal like I expected, I have two more visits after this one to finish one forsaken root canal. I’ll be taking dentist recommendations for the other cavity.
17 May 2017
I have a crown!!!!! Let the normal chewing commence!
18485797_10154414422011646_4936560888619432283_n

From April 19 to May 17 is the time it took them to install the crown AFTER the pain had stopped. Although the pain in the tooth was better, there was still regular discomfort and irritation that would last 2-3 days after each visit when they poked and prodded me. Each visit I told them what hurt, when and for how long, and they continued to insist it was normal. 

Within 2 weeks, the tooth began to hurt again. I had read online that a crown could cause sensitivity as well and that some people had intermittent pain for up to 6 months after a root canal. However, as June continued, it became apparent that the pain was neither mild nor intermittent. It went from an occasional twinge at mealtimes to a constant dull ache with sharper pains when brushing my teeth or chewing.

16 June 2017
I couldn’t believe this pain was normal, regardless of how clear my exit x-ray had looked. I called the hospital but was told they were booked solid for the next 10 working days. When I told the nurse about the pain, she suggested I find another dentist. I don’t know if she was being helpful or trying to get rid of me, but either way, I didn’t feel like I had a choice.

19 June 2017
First visit to Dr. Kwon. It’s official. 2017 is the year of the dentist. Pray with me to the tooth fairy that the simple fix works because the alternative is redoing the root canal.

Dr. Kwon was a friendly if somewhat nervous man who spoke competent English. His suggestion was to grind down the crown a bit so that it wouldn’t hit the upper tooth anymore, thus relieving the pressure. He also gave me antibiotics and painkillers, and told me to wait two weeks.

It didn’t work.

27 June 2017
The tooth saga is not over after all. The pain resurges. The crown must go. Rage.
29 June 2017
Well, there goes 350$. The crown was cut off my tooth today.
6 July 2017
*This is a long rant about dentists and teeth. You have been warned.*

Trying not to nuke the dental industry at large. New dentist seemed so kind and helpful but keeps changing his mind, which is NOT reassuring… has changed the plan several times since the first time I visited, and I don’t understand why. He went from telling me that if altering the crown didn’t work, the next step was another root canal. Then today, asked me if I wanted to do another root canal or skip to the extraction… I don’t f*n know, I’ve never had this problem before ever, I go to medical experts because YOU’RE supposed to know. Extraction seems like it would suck if it’s anything like having my wisdom teeth out was, so hey maybe we should try the less invasive and less painful and less expensive thing first? But also can you please tell me what you’re going to do differently from the first dentist who clearly didn’t actually do it right? Now I’m being referred to a specialist who may or may not speak English…

The tooth has been hurting 80% of the time at least since Feb.

The referral of July 6:

Screenshot_20180320-192935

“He is a professor at Pusan National dental hospital”… I know English is not Dr. Kwon’s first language, but this sounds an awful lot like he knows a guy. Right?

screenshot_20180320-192957.png

When Dr. Kwon finally texted me back, it was with a photo of a computer screen showing the website to Pusan National University Hospital…

screenshot_20180320-193011.png

When I asked for the name of the specialist, Dr. Kwon said he didn’t know. When I asked about the referral, he simply sent the picture again and said “all the best and hope the treatment goes well”.

7 July 2017
Today the pain became so bad I couldn’t work. I got an appointment at the dental university hospital and started out seeing a resident, but got bumped up to specialist. She worked on the tooth for about 2 hours and found many more hidden nerves. She is pretty sure she got them all today. I’m still numb from the anasthetic, and my jaw is sore af from being open so long, but they think I should be pain free in a day or three. I’m going back on Tuesday and one more time after that. She’s trying to finish up before I go on vacation. It’s too soon to call it, but so far I feel like this is progress. Cross your everything.
8 July 2017
The good news is that the parts of me that hurt yesterday seem to have calmed down. The bad news is everything else hurts instead. My jaw aches, I can’t yawn. I bumped my front teeth with the rim of my water bottle and it hurt. I bit down too fast, it hurt… Oh yes and every muscle in my core and shoulders hurts from being clenched in pain and anticipation of pain for several hours yesterday. But nah, the dentists here are sure I’ll be fine with just Tylenol. -.-
11 July 2017
The dentist was surprised to hear I was still in pain. Surprised the Tylenol hadn’t helped. Surprised I was in pain even while sitting there not moving. They tried to begin *without anesthesia* and I nearly jumped out of the chair when she touched the tooth. It was clear to me that this is not what they were expecting.She used more lidocaine and after getting the tooth clear again, a microscope to see the smallest parts. She cleaned more, found more places that seared and stabbed through the local anesthetic.

Still in pain with the local anesthetic. Dentist finally agreed to pain meds, 3 days… My next appointment is in 7 days. Talked them up to 5 days of meds. Checked the medicine they offered. It’s a low-grade NSAID used for “mild to moderate pain” and not common in the US because if the side effects… Also 5 days worth of antibiotics and antimicrobials. While we wait. Again. To see if they finally got it all or if I have to lose the whole tooth.

16 July 2017
What a weekend. The tooth pain has receded from “OMG I’m gonna die” to “annoying persistent pain” which is nice because it allowed me to enjoy Pride yesterday and even march, but scary because I’ll take my last dose of meds today and see the dentist Tuesday and try to figure out a) why it improved, b) if it’s likely to keep improving, and c) how long we should wait to answer the question of whether or not to remove it…a week before I get on a plane to Seattle.
18 July 2017
My tooth of course did the most awkward thing if neither fully recovering nor staying bad. This half recovery led the dentist to want to try *one more* root canal cleaning to see if she can save the tooth. This was much better, no pain through the anesthetic. They still won’t give me pain meds because they think the meds aren’t what worked last week, and they said after a day or two of soreness from the procedure, I should be ok. One more appointment next week the day before I go on a trans Pacific flight. Down to the wire.
25 July 2017
Filled and temp capped the tooth today. It gets to rest 3 weeks while I’m on holiday then we check it when I get back. And if all is well we wait 3 months with a temp crown because of what happened last time. Still a game of wait and see but at least it hurts less and less often.
Went on vacation to North America for 3 weeks. Tooth pain was pretty rough for the first week, but Canadians have good meds.
16 August 2017
Theoretically, the last root canal procedure was done today (again), sans anesthetic and not that bad. Now we wait a healthy time before committing to another crown, I’m thinking a few months…
But wait! There’s more than one cavity! The original x-ray back in February showed ANOTHER problem on the upper right side of the jaw. No dentist wanted to deal with it, I later was told because they didn’t want me to be on a liquid diet since having work done on left and right at the same time would make chewing impossible. Considering I spent a few weeks not being able to chew anyway, this seems like a poor excuse… nevertheless- a new dentist must be found.

But first? LASIK and my bi-annual gov’t sponsored health check. After all, a girl can only visit a healthcare professional so many times a week without going crazy.

Had LASIK and recovery time, and managed to get lymphadenitis (Latin for “your lymph node is swollen but we don’t know why”) which got in the way of timely dental care while still keeping me in constant pain and regular hospital visits. Yay!

2 September 2017
Went to dentist number four to start on cavity number two. She says she’ll try to treat it by filling first but my fear that waiting and waiting (not my idea, every dentist I saw told me to finish root canal 1 first) now means it’s gotten worse and might need another root canal. She also found at least one maybe two other tiny cavities. And told me that I needed to do a full cleaning today (covered by insurance) before having more work done. Gentlest cleaning ever, tho. Now my teeth feel funny as almost 20 years of hardened plaque are gone, and next Saturday we’ll start on the problem tooth. The moral of this story is don’t wait two decades to get your teeth checked.
21430546_10154735440586646_8388881086024860598_n9 September 2017
Well, the bad news it’s another root canal. Good news, this is the gentlest dentist ever. Even the tool to administer the anesthetic was painless, and it didn’t numb half my face, and they let me hold this cute Teddy Bear. Still have 3-5 more visits for t
his root canal. Then the smaller cavities and the crowns. The year of the dentist continues.
12 September 2017
Supposedly the roots are eradicated. Now I wait 3 more hours for the anesthetic to wear off and find out if they missed any.
13 September 2017
Root Canal 2: My teeth seem to enjoy being ambiguous. This is just enough pain that I can’t be sure nothing is wrong, but not so much pain that I can be sure something is wrong… #dentalpainwaitinggame

18 September 2017
Although this is going much better than the first tooth, still some pain and she went looking for more nerves today. The anasthetic is somehow affecting part of my nose and right eye. It feels very strange. Next appointment, one week unless it hurts to much.

25 September 2017
My teeth hate me. Good news: still hurts less than the first one. Bad news: still hurts. Dentist 4 can’t figure it out and wants me to go back to Yangsan. But she’s writing an actual letter of referral so I can go straight to the specialist, and they’re refunding money since they can’t finish it there. Also, I am a dental mutant, my teeth are funny shapes. *Sobs quietly.

26 September 2017
Day 7/7 black and white photo challenge complete.

Image may contain: people sitting

It takes a long time to get in to see a specialist if you don’t have emergency level pain.

26 October 2017 
Finally got the the cavity filled today. Third (and easiest) tooth problem. Hooooraaaaay! Next week I start on getting the crown for root canal #1. I’m down to like 1.5 teeth problems!

31 October 2017
The second crown on the first root canal has been initiated. These folks are not kidding around. The amount of attention to detail is reassuring. Plus, when they made the impression, instead of multiple attempts with squishy molds, they waved a magic wand over me then and made a digital 3d image! I’m feeling pretty good about the fairly minor price bump over my last crown install.

22859984_10154857699741646_4012467169283625499_o.jpg

9 November 2017 
All the dentist. Got the crown, but extensive bite testing revealed it to be 4 micrometers too short. While waiting for this to get fixed, I got more lessons in oral hygiene including brush each tooth ten times, brush 4x a day, and use this metal mini bristle to harden your gums. Got the crown back with a temporary fixative and I get to test drive it for a week before the permanent upgrade. I can see the finish line (for one more tooth anyway).

Finally got the diagnosis on the mysterious lymphadenitis. It’s called “Kikuchi Disease”, a non-lethal, self-healing disease which mainly presents in women so no one bothers researching it, and it’s named after the man who “discovered” it.

17 November 2017
Dentist x2: yesterday I went to the specialist to work on root canal 2. They found a mysterious 4th canal. Follow up in a week. Today I went to get the crown perma attached on root canal one, but when they took it out to clean the temp adhesive and prepare for permanence, the tech dropped and shattered the crown, so now we’re starting over with a new temp crown and they’ll remake the crown again for trial next week. I swear this tooth is determined to be a hassle for the whole year. But at this point, it’s so absurd I can only laugh. Third crown is the charm?

dentist-schedule-e1521543814482.jpgI gave up posting dental updates on Facebook after this, but the third crown was a success, and by early December, I was deemed to be complete on the second root canal. Before scheduling the crown, however, I wanted to wait for the pain to fully dissipate and stay gone for at least 6 weeks. Best case scenario, that would be the end of January 2018.

On top of this, I didn’t know where I would be by the end of February and was hesitant to start what could be a month-long procedure if I would have to leave the country before it was finished.

In late February, I did have to move, but only to Gyeongju where I started a new job and spent all my free time in March handling moving, hiring paperwork, and staying legal in Korea paperwork (employment visa, etc).

The Final Crown

2 April 2018
Finally got all my ducks in a row to the point where I feel comfortable committing to several more weeks of dental work to finish this UNBELIEVABLY LONG PROCESS only to find out that the dentist I want to see has the same days off as me.
*headdesk

14 April 2018
Teeeth. I went in for the crown fitting today. Discovered that the mild pain is not related to the root canal, but instead some gum damage and a tiny cavity on the tooth next door. At least it was easy to fix. 10 days to real crown. Is it too much to hope my dental drama is almost over?

15 April 2018
Expletive deleted temporary crown came off and broke in less than 24 hrs. On bread.

16 April 2018
I think I just unintentionally haggled for dental care.

I had to go to a local dentist in Gyeongju to replace the temporary crown, since going without could change the shape of my teeth/jaw alignment enough to make my permanent crown not fit right. They tried to charge me 50$ and when I declined service and prepared to leave, they hurriedly asked if I had insurance, and then reduced the charge to 5$…

25 April 2018
Oh my fucking Christ. I need hugs now.

Although my next appointment was on this day, this post is not actually about the dentist. I went straight from the dentist office to the movie theater to watch Infinity War and the pain of Thanos was far worse than anything my teeth could muster.

2 May 2018
This dentist thing will never end. Some occasional mystery pain in the tooth and they want to wait two more weeks to see if it goes away. She checked everything today and can’t find any reason for there to be any pain. It’s not bad, and it’s very inconsistent, but they expect teeth to not hurt at all after a root canal is complete.

12 May 2018
Dentistry: my preferred dentist was in town today so I was finally able to see her about this last crown. She made some fine tuning adjustments the other dentist missed, and we did the final setting! The whole area is throbbing because as the tech cleaned the extra glue from around the crown it was rough on the gums. However, barring any further craziness. This saga is finally over! From now on I’ll try to get my regular check ups and catch any cavities before they become root canals.

Finally, my extended dental drama is complete. As long as I live in a country with affordable dental care, I’m going to make it a point to go annually for a cavity check. Here in Korea, an X-ray and basic cavity filling will cost me 50-100$ depending on the quality of dentist. It’s still not chump change, but unlike other health issues, cavities never go away on their own, they only turn into more painful and more expensive procedures. I wish that America would make the annual preventative dental care and basic filling affordable for everyone, because then I might not have put off going for 17 years until I was faced with this insane saga.

However sloggingly long and grueling this was, it is nothing compared to what would have faced me in the US where I would inevitably have waited until the pain was too severe to ignore, then been faced with emergency costs and probably lost both teeth, and just as probably been unable to afford implants to replace them. On top of health and hygiene issues, good teeth are a key to good jobs and good living situations since Americans tend to highly discriminate against visibly bad teeth as a sign of “moral failing” the same way they look at body fat. Yet both are more often a result of financially inaccessible health care. My teeth were visually fine, and didn’t actively hurt me, so I simply ignored them for almost 2 decades. Learn from my mistakes and go find a dentist you like.

Marching Forward in Busan

Last weekend, the city of Busan, South Korea had it’s very first Pride march. Although the capital city of Seoul has been having LGBTQIA+ events since 2000, it’s been a little slow to spread beyond the dense urban hub of Korean counter culture. Korea did not get a second city to participate in this part of the civil rights movement until Daegu joined in 2009. And after another 8 years, Busan has become the third Korean city to host a Queer Pride event.

Of course, since Busan has been my home for the last 18 months, I had to go. I knew it was going to be much smaller than the events I attended in Seoul over the last 2 summers, but it was still exciting to imagine being part of a historical first. 


The Run Up

21458019_1738461163115256_947757470217525866_o.pngIn the weeks leading up to the event, Facebook groups circulated ads, support, rumors and questions as it became murky as to whether the festival’s organizers were in fact granted the required permits to host vendors, performers and the ever important march through the crowded streets of Haeundae. There was some fear that the vendors would be denied a permit and a rallying cry for them to show up anyway and risk arrest for the cause. (Thankfully, that didn’t seem to be necessary).

And as news of the event spread, the inevitable groups of Christian fundamentalists tried to demand the government to deny permission, and worked to organize a mass counter-protest movement. Police released a statement to the media advising that plenty of officers would be on site to make sure that no violence ensued.

I think it’s important to note that these Christians really are counter-protesters, because here in Korea, there are no gay rights, and so the queer community are actually doing the original protest against the current government and social policies that exclude and endanger them. The Christian groups just want to maintain the status quo (or even it roll back to make homosexuality illegal again.)

Solidarity on the Subway

It’s about a 45 minute subway ride from my house to the beach where the festival was to be held, and while I was killing time scrolling through Facebook, I happened to look up and notice a very genderfluid individual standing nearby with a “LGBTQIA Rights Are Human Rights” bag. I caught their eye and smiled, pointing to the bag and giving a big thumbs up before tapping my own rainbow pin. Their eyes lit up as they asked in thick Korean phonemes, “pride?” (pu-rai-du). I nodded, still smiling and we had a high five.

I can only imagine the courage it took to get on the subway sporting such a mix of gender role presentation. They were a little chubby (which is already almost a sin in Korea), wearing just black shorts and a hoodie with white trainers. They had short hair and glasses, but beautifully done makeup. Gender roles are enforced hardcore in Korea, so it must have been a little scary to leave the house and know that you still might be harassed on your way to the only event in town where you can be yourself.

Although we both went back to scrolling our phones after the high five, we did happen to look up at the same time once or twice more on the long ride and shared big grins every time we made eye contact. Although I saw many more flamboyantly dressed Koreans at the event, I am fairly sure they didn’t ride a subway in their Pride outfits.

The Vendors

Haeundae is the most famous beach in Busan and while the festival didn’t get to set up right on the beach, the main stage was just inland of the waterfront road. We arrived a little early with plans to get some brunch before checking the booths, but ended up walking through the tent area anyway. It was significantly smaller than Seoul’s event, and I’d venture to say that at least half of the booths were dedicated folks who came down from Seoul to support the Busan march, but hey, you gotta start somewhere.

20170923_132553We passed booths promoting awareness, selling pride pins, flags, t-shirts, art and books. We bought a few small things, more to support the vendors than anything else. One booth was just for birth control awareness, which is a major issue in Korea since it is still very stigmatized and difficult for women to use it regularly without facing harsh judgement from friends, family and even medical professionals.

One booth was allowing people to make their own buttons and taking pictures of the results. The majority of the volunteers there were middle aged people who didn’t quite know all the colors and symbols, but every time they saw something new they would ask about it and try to learn. It was heartwarming to see the older generation not only involved in promoting LGBTQIA rights in Korea, but genuinely interested in learning all the jargon and labeling that can seem so foreign to allies, but is so vital to people struggling with identity.

The Protesters

20170923_131018.jpgWhile the booth selection was not as big as the Seoul event, the protesters weren’t as bad as their Seoul counterparts. There were far fewer of them, and they didn’t have any giant trailers with loudspeakers or competing musical performances. Most of them simply held their signs quietly. A few shouted slogans, but the only one shouted at me was “Jesus is love” which is not bad as protest slogans go… I mean, really it’s the same reason why enlightened Christians think marriage equality is right… love is love, man.

On the other hand, I’m slightly perverse from time to time, and so I chanted back to her “Buddha is love”… because I’ve had just about all the conversion talks I need for the next few lifetimes.

20170923_131053.jpgWhen the sign wavers got too close, the police gently moved them back. There was no force or violence, but the police would form a blockade and firmly move the problem folks back out of range. One man was so transported by his prayer, he knelt as close to the event as he could get, clutching his sign and praying feverishly, eyes screwed shut and knuckles white.

Many of the Christian counter-protesters hid their faces, although it’s unclear if this was some kind of copying of Antifa, or an actual desire to hide their identity for fear of … I’m really not sure what, or if they’re just that breed of middle aged Korean person that wears a face mask and sunglasses and big hat any time they go outside when it’s even a little sunny. Because that happens too.

The March

It hardly took us any time at all to finish exploring the booths, and we had a couple hours to kill before the march was scheduled to begin, so we hopped over a block or two to have a rest in a friend’s apartment. We came back around parade start time, expecting it to be a little late, honestly, and we couldn’t find it anywhere!

20170923_163214.jpgFrantically trying to IM another friend in the parade to figure out which way to go, we walked up and down the street lined with protesters holding signs about sin and Jesus and homosexuals out out out. When the marchers finally arrived, we found ourselves on the wrong side of the police line! We stood among the protesters who waved their fists and signs and chanted their message of opposition. From this vantage point we saw the giant rainbow flag at the head of the procession and we cheered as loud as we could to drown the voices of those around us and support the marchers we had been unable to join in time.

20170923_163257.jpgAs the parade moved closer to us, the police moved the line of protesters further and further back to prevent clashes. We pointed somewhat frantically at our own rainbow pins and flags as we asked the officers if we could cross the line and join the group inside. Finally, realizing we were not a threat, they let us through and we joined the group of hundreds (possibly thousands) dancing and singing along to the K-Pop blaring from the backs of the trucks that had lead them on the brief march around the block.

20170923_163316I’m not sure what the actual parade route was, but I know it must have been short for it was scheduled to start at 4, and was more or less over by 4:30. By 4:45 everyone had dissipated and the plaza was being swiftly converted for whatever event had reserved the space for the evening hours. I also cannot report on the turn out at this time, as there has not been any English language media follow-up reporting on the numbers of attendees, counter-protesters, or police. If I get some information later, I’ll update it here.

20170923_163520

The Sights

TBH, I fell off the photojournalism ladder that day. There was no “press booth” and I felt a bit uncomfortable running around snapping pics without credentials. I try to use my own photos when I can, but I highly recommend viewing the photo album on the Busan Pride Facebook page, because they had a wonderful professional photographer and it’s a great collection of images. These are a few more of my photos below.

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

The Issues

In countries where gay rights are protected by law, Pride is more a celebration, or a victory march. However, in places where the people are still fighting for equality under the law, it’s more a mix of celebration and protest. Pride events in Korea are festive, no doubt. It’s one of the few times when queer folk can come out in the light of day and BE. There is art, and music, and hugs and laughter, and singing and dancing with K-Pop and sparkly costumes. But alongside this joy, there are some very serious issues that can affect the life and livelihood of the people impacted by them.

The Busan Pride festival coincided with international Bisexual Awareness Day (September 23), and it did not go unnoticed. Although flags and emblems for most if not all gender/sexual identities made an appearance at least once somewhere at the event, the pink, purple, and blue of the bisexual flag was clearly the dominant color scheme (competing even with the rainbow itself for top billing).

I don’t really know how bi-phobia and bi-erasure stack up as issues in South Korea. I know in many places, bi people suffer exclusion from both hetero and queer communities because they won’t “pick a side” (I cannot roll my eyes hard enough). I actually had a bisexual male friend of mine tell me the other day he doesn’t know that many women who like women, and I was like… uh, we’re friends with all these same people, right? Yes you do! But bi women have become hesitant to talk about it for fear of being “not queer enough” or of being fetishized by dudes who want threesomes (gak).

Look, really, the point is, if someone tells you that they identify as bi, or ace, or pan, or agender, or non-binary… or any one of the list of other sexual/gender identities that seem to be perceived as fictional… just believe them. It’s not hurting you to let them be themselves but it sure as heck hurts them when friends and family tell them they are wrong or worse, lying.

The other hot issue for LGBTQIA rights in Korea this year is the military shenanigans. I talked about this a bit in my post about Seoul Pride, but it’s still going on. Recap: Military participation is mandatory for all men in Korea (maybe barring serious illness/disability). Being gay while in the military is a criminal offense punishable by up to 2 years in prison. Some dingo’s kidney of a military leader decided to use Grindr and/or some other hookup apps to trap some young servicemen and they are now in jail. The UN, Amnesty International, Human Rights Watch, and the Military Human Rights Centre for Korea are pissed off and calling this a human rights violation.

I found an article that says the Korean government may be looking into possibly maybe changing the policy in response to UN and international pressure, or they could just be preparing to double down on their anti-gay policy. To be clear, there is NO WAY for young gay men to avoid this. Service is not optional. However much I may disdain a ban on gays in a military (*cough*Trumpisanassholeforthetransban*cough*), at least in countries like the US, they can simply choose not to join. It’s still discriminatory, but not actually entrapping. Korean men do not have a choice on military service and we all know, sexuality is not a choice either.

I’m sure with Trump and Kim going at it like schoolyard bullies, most of the concerns of the world with respect to Korea are about nuclear annihilation, but if you could spare a moment to urge your representatives, to contact your favorite international human rights organization, to donate, to speak out, to put pressure on Moon and his government to protect gay Korean men from imprisonment merely for being who they are while serving their nation, that would be great.

Because when it comes to human rights, the slogan of this year’s Pride events in Korea got it spot on…20170923_181931


I know I got a little political there, but frankly, I’m just tired to my bones about having to read every day about how some human somewhere is being treated as less because of a trait they cannot choose, whether that is skin color, ethnicity, national origin, gender, gender identity, or sexuality. I’m weary to my soul that I keep seeing humans being physically attacked for this. And I am exhausted on a cellular level of seeing oppressors claiming victimhood as they smash the faces of those humans figuratively and literally. In some ways, I wish I was only talking about America, but it’s everywhere. It’s not going away if we ignore it or just “don’t get political”. And while I can’t go out on the streets and fight it every day, I am not that strong; I can act, do, and speak as much as my strength allows. I hope you will, too.

“Queen” Sized: Finding Plus-sized clothing outside the US

This post isn’t really a story of adventure, so much as a hopeful resource for other women like me. Trying to find things online that actually are useful is really hard. If you are a plus (or queen) sized lady with overseas shopping experiences, PLEASE feel free to leave a comment here to help me and others out. If you want to tell me or others like me to go on a diet/exercise regimen, or otherwise insult our bodies, please fuck off.

Yes, I know, Americans are fat. And while some developing nations (not naming names here, you know who you are) are giving us a run for our money in the obesity race, we’re still a nation of large. I’m not here to fat shame, or blame the horrible processed food diet (I think I did that in another post), or soapbox in any way about it. I’m just acknowledging it’s there so I can move on to the rest of today’s blog.

The Plus Sized Shopping Experience

I’m “average” size in America (not by magazine/hollywood standards, but by actual statistics). This means I’m fat in most other countries in the world. And while the US has a growing plus sized fashion market, shopping abroad for many of us can seem like the quest for the Holy Grail.

Living in China (remember I’m not naming names?, well….) I read a lot about how it was quickly increasing in obesity, and I could find clothes that fit, but it was an ordeal, and often involved Wal-Mart. Saudi Arabia (another unnamed name) is full of full figured ladies, but because of the abaya requirement, the clothing options for plus sizes was somewhat limited. I tried to find a pair of jeans there, but everything cute was just about 1 size too small, or it was a huge elastic waisted tent.

Japan was not a place I expected to find anything, but after seeing quite a few larger (my size or bigger) Japanese ladies around town who happened to be dressed quite snappily, I gained some hope. There was a used clothing store across from my share house, and I love thrift store shopping, so I went to check it out. It’s so dang humid here that I really wanted some lighter weight tops that were a little more flattering. To my amazement, I found several in the bargain rack. I have no idea if they were actually intended for large women or if the Japanese tendency to wear clothes that make them look like children playing dress-up just worked in my favor.

Then, after my jeans from the US finally gave out, I realized I really needed to get new bottoms if I wanted to go exploring in the heat. I love my skirts, but, let’s face it, at 90% humidity, everyone gets some degree of chub-rub. I was fairly open to options: leggings, gym shorts, or real pants. But after a whole day of searching, I realized that even the men’s XL was still too tight a fit to be comfy. After more searching online for advice from other expats, I headed back out to a larger mall, to try again at the limited number of stores that *might* have something my size. Eventually, I found some things, but it meant exploring maternity and men’s departments because nothing in the women’s clothes came close.

How to Cope with Being Plus-sized Abroad?

So what’s a girl to do? I have some good news and some bad. There are some tricks that can make your clothing experience better (good news), but you’ll never be able to get exactly what you wear in the US (bad news). Here’s what I’ve learned after 2 years and 4 countries worth of clothes shopping overseas.

1) Adapt your style. In the US you may love wearing skinny jeans and printed t-shirts, or snappy pant-suits, or any number of other styles that you’ve made your own over time. But since you are unlikely to be able to find those exact things in your new country, be willing to change. In Saudi, I couldn’t find jeans for love nor money, but I found about a million beautiful skirts that fit me and looked great. I never wore skirts that often before, but it was there, pretty and cheap. In Japan, the shirts I found were all fluffy, billowy, lacy things, very feminine and “cute”. Again, not my previous style, but they fit well and flatter my shape while keeping me cooler in the Japanese summer.

2) Look around you and ask. Look for other ladies your size/shape, what are they wearing? Do you like it? Ask them where they got it. Make it a compliment. “Oh, what a great dress, where did you buy that?” Consider that another essential phrase to learn in your new country’s language along with “Where’s the bathroom?” and “Another beer please.” Locals often know of smaller hidden stores that cater to special / niche markets that might not show up on a Google search. Heck, if you’re a teacher like me, you can make it a class assignment option and get plenty of feedback.

4) Pack the essentials. Before you leave your home country, or any time you go home for vacation, know what you have the hardest time finding in your size and stock up. I brought extra brand-new bra’s that I knew I wouldn’t even need for 6 months, because I didn’t want to try to bra shop in Saudi. Other hard to find items include undies, panty hose/stockings, and jeans. People often stock up in their luggage on medications and toiletries, but really, unless it’s a weird prescription or super special local brand, you can find these things even more readily in pharmacies and convenience stores abroad than you can in the US, so ditch the things that are easy to replace and make some suitcase space for the clothes you know you’ll want.

5) Shop the local thrift stores. Also called used clothing or second hand shops, places where the local population has donated a wide variety of brands, styles and sizes. In both Prague and Japan, these shops yielded great finds. A pair of jeans in Prague (though too warm for the summer, I picked them up against the eventual fall weather), and several summer weight blouses in Japan. Yes, it takes time to sort through everything, but it can be fun, and if you do find something that fits, you can check the label and maybe find the local shop that sold it the first time.

6) Foreign brands are a reliable standby. I no longer shop at H&M despite their range of plus size clothing because I object to their unethical business practices of using overworked and under-payed women in unsafe conditions. Other places like the dreaded Wal-Mart (yeah, I hate them), or UK brand box stores like Tesco. I hate box stores, but unless you can afford a local tailor, they are your safest bet for clothes abroad. The regular sizes go up to US 12, but often times different styles fit differently, so you can generally find something up to about an 18. In China it was Wal-Mart, in Japan it was Uniqlo, and in Prague, it was Tesco that saved my wardrobe essentials. I love shopping local, but when you simply can’t find what you need, these places can be a good solid backup.

7) Don’t be afraid to stray to other departments. As I mentioned earlier, my pants success in Japan was attributed to maternity and men’s wear. It’s a little embarrassing at first to take some of these items to a fitting room, but not half as painful as my thighs after an afternoon of walking around in a skirt here, and definitely not worth missing out on the adventures. Sure, people may look at you a little funny, but chances are you’re already being looked at funny just for being a foreigner so don’t let it bug you. Find the clothes that fit no matter where the store has put them.